Monday, February 9, 2009

I Slipped and Fell in the Bathroom

It’s all about my sex life.  There. That should be a good controversial opening for my new blog.
It’s amazing how many things impact people’s sex life. Things you never read or hear about. 

I woke up, as usual, and nibbled my husband’s shoulder. Then his arm. Down to his elbow. And I wanted to have sex with him.  But lately, I haven’t been able to rotate my thighs outward.  They’ve become stiff.  You can’t buy DMSO any more as a pain relief drug, but you can buy it as a solvent.  Remove spots from your clothes and relieve stiff muscles, too. I got up and applied liquid DMSO to the entire 360 degrees of my thigh where it joins my trunk.

I’ve tried wintergreen cream on previous occasions, but oooh does that stuff sting when it gets on endodermal tissues! Everything for treating pain seems to have collateral damage or side effects.  After I put on the DMSO, I felt woozy, like low blood pressure had set in.   And I needed to use the toilet.  By this time, my husband was on the toilet near our bedroom. So, I climbed the stairs.  Try that with low blood pressure. I barely made it.

I remember wiping myself. I remember standing up. Perhaps too quickly.  

The next thing I knew I was lying on the floor with a bump on my head, covered with sweat and desperately thirsty. And I was no longer in the mood for sex.

I went online and bought roll-on DMSO so I could apply it in much lower quantities.

Within an hour, blood had drained from the bump where my forehead impacted the door jam, and I had a black eye.  Then, I had to go vote. I don’t wear makeup. Or an eye-patch. And I don’t box or practice martial arts. I live in a neighborhood where people feel free to ask personal questions – it’s considered neighborly. In this case, telling the truth, would not be neighborly. I decided to give them the short version: “I slipped and fell in the bathroom.”

Suddenly I became the recipient of everybody else’s stories of slips and falls.  I wonder how many of them were covering, too.  

1 comment:

  1. hey Girl...almost called you by name. sorry to hear about your hip issues, osteo art and falling in the b-room.

    have a better day!
    d- from Boston