Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Having Fun with Phone Solicitors

"Good News," my caller said. "You've just won $200 worth of gasoline. Isn't that wonderful?"
"What am I going to do with it?" I asked. "I don't own a car."
Out of earshot of the phone, my husband suggested, "We could make molotov cocktails."
I hung up.
A caller offered me a discount on rug cleaning. "That's okay. My dog urinated on all my carpets, so we had them ripped up and now we have bare floors covered with incontinence pads that I wash in the washing machine."
A mysterious organization tried to sell me light bulbs made by handicapped people. "I have CFLs. I won't need new bulbs for years."  

I'm not inventing lines I hope my callers will find funny. My answers are all true.

My best comedy routine wasn't on the phone -- it was in an office where I repair the computers. An inventory representative came by and asked, "Where is the portable computer."
"It's in Germany," I replied.  "How did it get there?" he asked.  "It's portable,"I explained.

Almost as good as "Who's on First."  Except that the representative from inventory thought Portable was a brand name, rather than a descriptive term, and my answer made no sense to him.

These people are all just trying to do their jobs.  They need to get on to their next calls. I don't want to waste their time.  But I figure they've wasting my time, so I'm entitled to have a little fun with them. And besides, I don't even plan these things -- the truth just pops out of my mouth and I'm just as surprised by it as they are.

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