Thursday, July 16, 2009

I Have No Bike and I Must Ride

I was biking along Pennsylvania Ave. The weather was warm. I was feeling fit. The next thing I knew I was naked being examined in what appeared to be a stereotypcial alien abduction scene. Except the aliens all looked human. So, where was my husband, the best alien on Earth?

These "alien doctors" claimed to be in a local hospital. They claimed I was on the 8th floor in room 19. Every few hours after that one of them asked me where I was. Since I had no proof that I wasn't aboard an alien space craft--they hadn't let me outside to check--I told them that they had told me I was in a hospital on the 8th floor in room 19. That seemed to satisfy them. They claimed that I was hit by a car. I have no memory of this. They claim my nose was broken. If so, they miraculously fixed it. All I found was dried blood on my upper lip. They claimed I had either 5 or 6 fractures to my skull. The room had no mirrors. They showed me an x-ray that they said was my left collar bone. It was certainly somebody's left collar bone that had been broken into more pieces than I could count. I agreed to let them screw it together. I now have stitches and a clear bandaid over my left collar bone. Several of my teeth feel bruised. My eyes are uncooperative. I can read computer screens easily. But they get tired reading books. And it takes a while to focus on smaller type or italic type.

The Police say they picked up my bike from the accident site. But they don't have it. Twice they've called to say they have it, but twice my husband has gone to pick it up, and twice they couldn't find it. So, I'm stuck walking. I walked 1/4 mile to the ATM to deposit my income tax refund check. My left knee got tired en route and I had to sit down to rest before the uphill walk back. I'm not supposed to bike or do other arm exercises until after I get the stitches out. I have an appt on the 27th of July.
I don't like this body that the aliens stuck me in. It's got huge purple raccoon eyes (bruises). It gets tired easily. It has to keep the left arm in a sling. I opened up the end of it so I could get my fingers out to type. My mom wants me to ask the surgeon if this is okay. I've never been an authority freak. That's her thing.

I'm having surreal email conversations with people who seem to be aliens from another galaxy. The words seem to meet a total disconnect. I thank someone and she writes back concerned that I was disappointed. I ordered a new bike helmet.

Giro Remedy Bike Helmet


It arrived with instructions for a different helmet and without the visor screw. And rotten rehab doc showed up at the hospital apologizing that another doctor had beat me up. Rotten rehab doc is the only doctor to have beaten me up lately. The one he was accusing had most definitely not beaten me up. I tried to get RRD to apologize but all I got were illogical jokes. I emailed him, again asking for an apology. No response. So I wrote his dept chair. Still no apology, but this time a muckety-muck administrator told me that the chair will talk with RRD about how to treat patients. That's the main point. RRD should never treat anybody else the way he has treated me.

Then there are the phone calls from the insurance company of the driver who hit me. PA has a weird no-fault law, so your car insurance is supposed to pay if you get in an automobile accident, no matter whose fault it is, even if you weren't in a car during the accident. But I don't own a car and don't have car insurance. When I explained this to the driver's insurance, they said they'd have to investigate me. I suppose they discovered I was telling the truth because the next day they called back, and told me that their client's policy will pay $5000 of my medical bills. I told them the bills are over $100,000. They said they have to investigate whose fault the accident was. Hmmm. According to the police report, a car hit a bicycle that was in the proper lane for a bike. The car was trying to cut around to the right side of the bike, and hit the bike, causing the bicyclist to bounce onto the trunk of the car and then the pavement. There are two witnesses, one of whom is an off-duty police officer. The insurance company wants to re-interview the witnesses. This is going to take a while. If the insurance company agrees that their driver was at fault, then they'll pay up to the driver's limits for my medical bills. I hope that's at least enough to cover my deductibles. This driver seems to be way under-insured. And his insurance company seems to have the twin goals of minimizing and delaying payments.

Meanwhile, Blue Cross called me. They wanted to know if I need a home nurse or other home help. That might have been useful over the weekend. But it's now Thursday. I've been home 6 days. Now they offer? I asked the woman to put me on her Ignore List. She laughed. The third time I asked, she agreed to do it.

My yoga teacher has agreed to help me with recovery asanas. But I have to wait until the stitches are out before I can get a t-shirt on and go to class.

I seem to be on basically the same planet I was biking on before the so-called accident. But I have no bike. My body is different. And who ever lives on this planet sure doesn't know how to treat somebody who is recovering from either an accident or an alien abduction. The people/aliens at the hospital asked if I wanted anything. I told them I want access to their time machine to go back before the accident so I can avoid it. They laughed.

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