Sunday, August 9, 2009

I Caught 15 Dragons in 15 Minutes

I called my gym. What exercises can I do with one arm in a sling? One staffer suggested I get a note from my doctor and put my membership on hold for a couple of months. Since when do I need a note from my doctor to put my membership on hold? I called back and got a different staffer. He suggested I try the recumbent bicycle, the no-hands elliptical, and the inner and outer thigh machine.
I love bicycling. I do not like the recumbent bike. No wind in my face, no hills. Just a machine with pictures that change and pedals that get harder and easier to turn. One of the staffers showed me the dragon program. You need one hand for the steering wheel. I've got one hand. The screen shows you colored coins. You aim your bike towards one. You hit it. Then you look for a dragon the same color as your coin. Different colored dragons are worth different numbers of points. When you see a dragon of the appropriate color, you have to speed up to catch it. My usual speed is about 10 miles per hour. To catch a dragon I need to go at least 14 miles per hour.
It's less boring than going along a path where I'm not allowed to hit trees or run through campfires. But it's not fun. I caught 15 dragons in 15 minutes. I went 3.03 miles. Do they really think that statistics make up for being inside on a stationery bicycle? They gave a screen full of statistics showing how much time I spend at different speeds and giving me a penalty because I biked through some water one the screen. I didn't even notice any puddles and I didn't go into the ocean. I did see a message on the screen once saying that water would teleport me, but I didn't see any water. I guess teleporting means that the pictures on the screen would change.
I'm hard to please. I don't get to take the dragons home for pets, so why catch them?

I prefer the inner and outer thigh machine. I can see the real weights. I can choose how many of them I want to lift. I can choose how many times I want to lift them. I'm up to 29 reps of lifting 75 lbs. I'm supposed to build up to 30 reps of 80 lbs. I should be able to get there in a month or so.

But no matter how many dragons I catch, they're just pixels on the screen. And I don't even get to see them in a net. They just disappear when I supposedly catch them. Now, if they had a computer game that would heal my broken collar bone -- so many points for so many dragons means my body heals up -- that's a game I'd play for hours. As it is, 15 minutes is all I can stand before I'm bored, and sweaty.

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