"What about standing on my head?"
Shoulder Expert PT: "Standing on your head is okay. But if you fall, you could break your collar bone again."
"I'm not going to fall. I've been standing on my head since I was 5 years old."
Shoulder Expert PT: "How long have you been being hit by cars?"
"Since I was 9."
Shoulder Expert PT: "That explains a lot."
Maybe so. Today I decided to do what I've been waiting over 2 months to do. Ride my bike to the grocery store. This is freedom. This is doing my fair share of the work. And I love riding my bike. Finally, I can do what I usually do. I don't ride the bus. I don't buy just one wimpy little bag of veggies. I ride my bike and I fill up both my pannier with the heavy stuff. I'm now allowed 8 lbs per bag. And I'm allowed to wheel my bike up and down my stairs.
I put on my new helmet. The one with the jaw protector.
I never want to crack my jaw again. I put on my leather biking gloves with the open fingertips. I put on my curved yellow sunglasses to protect my eyes from the loose pebbles that tend to fly up from the street. I strapped my fanny pack around my waist. I wheeled my bike down the 3 steps to the street. I locked my door. I walked my bike up to the major cross street. And I was terrified. What if I got hit again? And wound up in the hospital again?
I tried releasing on Fear. I did that when it was the exercise in the Sedona Method book. I did that when I was releasing on memories. Memories really aren't scary. They are over and done. I looked down the street. It's a one-way street. A big fat bus was coming. I waited. I was still scared. I was on the sidewalk and I was scared of a bus in the street. The future is just in my imagination. Nothing scary is going on right now. I waited for the bus to pass. I waited for a truck and some cars. I waited until there was no traffic coming for several blocks. It was 3 PM in the afternoon. A time of low traffic. Finally, I put my bike into the street.
I have rear view mirrors on my sunglasses.
I pulled far to the right when I saw a car coming.
When I was on narrow streets, I rode on the sidewalk. Very few pedestrians were out. I got off my bike and walked around them. One lady saw me, and she stepped to the side so I could continue to ride.
I bought the groceries, and proceeded to pack them into my pannier.
A staffer offered to bag some into a paper sack for me. I tried to explain that if I can't fit the food into my saddle bags, I can't get it home. And I've been shopping enough years that I know what will fit. Oranges, yogurt, walnuts, pecans, nothing breakable, just in case. I noticed that with all that weight on my bike, my left arm doesn't have the control it used to have. The fear started up again.
Look around. A car zoomed out of the parking lot without stopping to look. That driver would have killed any pedestrian on the sidewalk (there were none) or passengers in any car going down the street (also empty). Okay. All clear. I biked slowly. I pulled over a lot. The only time I noticed a major increase in my heart rate was going up hill.
I got home. I took the pannier off my bike. I don't want to exceed my weight limit. I pushed the bike up the 3 steps into my living room. I went out again and carried in the pannier one at a time. I gave my dog a munchie. I put the groceries away.
There is nothing scary going on right now. That's my current motto.
Last time I looked there were used copies of the Sedona Method book for under $4: