Sunday, September 6, 2009

Sedona Method Day #3

The third chapter of Sedona Method says that emotions fit into 9 categories: Apathy, Grief, Fear, Lust, Anger, Pride, Courageousness, Acceptance and Peace.

I would have said that I’m not apathetic about anything. But, the book lists key words that identify each emotion. Phrases and Words in the Apathy section that resonate for me are: Can’t Win, I Can’t, Invisible, Numb, Powerless, Shock, Vague, and Too Tired.

As one of my clients said yesterday, “You have two speeds: fast and faster.” Not any more. I have a broken collar bone. I need more sleep than since right after childbirth. I tire easily. The problem is not only that I have a broken bone. It frustrates me no end that there’s nothing I can do about it. I eat yogurt and alfalfa sprouts because they are supposed to be good to encourage bone growth. But I can’t see if anything is happening. The bone may as well be invisible, since I don’t have x-ray vision.

I have no real control over whether or when it grows back. I am powerless about something this key to my own life. I can’t make the bone grow back. The skin around the incision is numb. I can’t make the nerves grow back. From what I’ve read it is normal for the bone to grow back and it is normal for the nerves to grow back. But I can’t control it. All this “normal” stuff is just too vague.

It reminds me of people who “believe in” or “have faith in” a higher power that cares about them. Since every parent who sends a child off to war, asks this higher power to keep his or her child safe, and some of the children are wounded and killed, it seems to me that if there is a higher power, it doesn’t take requests, no matter how heartfelt.

So, how am I supposed to release on this feeling of powerlessness? As a good friend pointed out in a recent email, I haven’t lost all my powers. I have my brain and my typing fingers. But my life, as I have defined and designed it, requires a strong body.

Supposedly, the limitations of a broken bone are temporary. Supposedly the bone will grow back. I don’t need to redefine my life permanently. I just need to find an alternative life for the interim, how ever long that may be. In this, I am not powerless. This is why I’m doing the Sedona Experiment.

From an earlier exercise – nothing is going on right now that requires me to have strength in my arms. Nothing is going on right now that I can’t cope with. I’m only powerless when I think about things I can’t do, in ways that are self-pitying. And I’m not powerless when it comes to changing my thoughts.

The Sedona Method: Your Key to Lasting Happiness, Success, Peace and Emotional Well-Being