Thursday, September 10, 2009

Sedona Method Day #7

This is the broken clavicle. It's the left clavicle, you see it on the right.

This is the broken clavicle with hardware. They took two views of it. You can see the screws going through the bone in the rightmost picture. They tell me this is not enough metal to trigger an alarm at the airport.

My PT wanted to see these so he'd know what he was dealing with. Finally, two months after the accident, I'm getting strengthening exercises. My new PT told me to stop using the gray rubber band that my first PT gave me at our first session. New PT gave me yellow, red and green rubber bands. And he's a wizard. When I had the gray band, it took me a lot of experimenting to figure out how to hold it without aggravating the arthritis in my fingers. New PT tied loops on the ends of the bands. One loop goes on a doorknob. (I put it on the far side of the knob, so when the door is closed, and I pull on the band, I'm pulling the door shut.) The other loop goes around the palm of my hand. That's easy to adjust to avoid pain.

Then there are only three exercises. None of them are hard. Two involve rotating the arm from the elbow while pulling on the band. The third involves pulling on the band with my elbow bent as if using a saw. As they said in my French class eons ago, "Pas a pas, on vas loin," or "step by step one goes far." I'd rather he gave me exercises with my dumbbells, but I've got Tamilee Webb for that. According to the handout sheet he gave me, the gray one is the hardest. Of course the handout sheet calls it silver.

Meanwhile, the swelling in my shoulder is coming down and I have more range of motion. I put on my Qigong DVD. My shoulder snaps and crackles when I move, but I can do many of these exercises.

And I'm continuing to do the Sedona Method experiment.

Today is about Anger. Anger is the reason I decided to try the Sedona Method.

According to Sedona Method, we express anger when we strike out to hurt or stop others, but with hesitation. The actions we take are mostly destructive to ourselves and those around us.
Guy Finley (www.guyfinley.com) says that before you hit somebody else, you always hit yourself, first.

No wonder it hurts to feel angry. I feel tightness in my shoulders, thighs and chest when I think about how the universe (and certain people in it) have treated me ill. I’m defending myself against blows that I am delivering. Angry thoughts cause physical pain. My broken collar bone and my physical therapy ouch-ercises already create more pain than I’m comfortable with. I’m ready to do just about anything (aside from taking drugs) to get comfortable again.

Words that Sedona Method uses to describe anger include:

argumentative, aggressive, belligerent, defiant, demanding, disgust, frustrated, furious, impatient, indignant, irate, jealous, outraged, mad, pushy, rebellious, resentment, stubborn, vengeful, wilful.

The anger emotion is much harder for me to let go of than the earlier ones. I’m right! They shouldn’t have done that to me! That driver should have known better than to smash into me. I was in the bike lane. The hospital staff should know better than to show me somebody else’s x-ray to get me to agree to surgery. But the fact is that if they knew better, they probably wouldn’t have done what they did. And the other fact is that I’m the only one who suffers when I get angry. My shoulders, my thighs, my chest get tight. The reckless driver and the hospital staff go on about their lives no matter what I’m thinking. My being angry can’t change the past. It only makes my Now more uncomfortable.

I can do what needs to be done – contact the software company that allows people to view x-rays on computers and ask them to add code that displays the corner with the person’s name at all times, so it will be obvious whose x-ray is on the screen. I wrote the president of the hospital. I hired a lawyer to make sure the driver’s insurance pays as much as possible of my medical bills. These actions do not require anger. In fact, they require clear thinking.

Would I let the anger go?

The chemicals that run around in my system when I’m angry are painful. I do want to be rid of them. It’s hard to give up on my emotional claim of being right. But that seems to be a big part of letting go of the anger. It’s back to the same process that works with the earlier emotions – I’m okay right now. I’m only angry when I think about things that happened in the past or might happen in the future. I can choose what I think about. And I can act to improve the future without being angry. If that means giving up on thoughts about how I’m Right, then I have to learn to do that. Being right doesn’t matter in the real scheme of things. Being right didn’t prevent the accident. Being right has never won an argument. Being right is just a thought. And if it’s not a thought that will help me heal, I need to learn to live without it.

Here's the Sedona Method book:



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