I wrote the company that made the software that my hospital used for showing and zooming in on x-rays. This software is what made it possible for them to show me somebody else’s x-ray and convince me to have surgery. I told them they should keep the person’s name in the corner visible at all times. (Actually, this is my brother’s idea.) The company was interested in the idea. They were also interested in the fact that my hospital hasn't paid them for this quarter's use of their software. I should not feel this way, but I like making the hospital pay for their mistake. The software company also said they will seriously consider altering their software to do what I want. They claim it is now possible to show the name. It needs to be impossible NOT to.
Other good news – I had a new yoga teacher last night. She was good. She had a bunch of armpit stretches that I really need. Stand facing the wall, with your toes about 3 or 4 inches from the wall. Reach your arms up as high as you can and place your hands on the wall. Reach up with your thumbs and push your buttocks out away from the wall about 3 or 4 inches. If I’m ever going to get my arms to reach as far as they used to, this stretch will help.
Finally the Sedona Method book is into the good stuff. Sedona Method says that apathy, grief, fear, lust, anger and pride are just covering up our true “can do” selves. Today’s emotion is courageousness. And the book says that when you let go of your feeling of courageousness you feel even better.
According to the book, when we are courageous, we can act without hesitation. We have the ability to do, to correct, to change whatever and whenever. We have the ability to let go and move on. Our bodies have more energy and we use it not only for our own success but also to help others succeed.
The attitude of Courageousness is: Life is Fun!
I was having fun when I got hit by a car. I had energy and I was using it for my own success and to help others. There’s something about being in pain and losing the ability to take care of myself that brought on the other emotions.
Some of the words Sedona Method uses to describe courageousness are: adventurous, alert, assured, cheerful, compassion, confident, competent, eager, enthusiastic, focused, honorable, independent, integrity, loving, motivated, resilient, secure, strong, visionary.
SM says this is our true selves. It just gets hidden by the other emotions.
At physical therapy, my PT asked me if there was any way to protect his PowerPoint files so nobody could steal his photos. I told him you can lock a file so nobody can edit it, but there’s no way to prevent someone with a screen capture program from cutting out a photo and using it as an independent file. The captured photo would have limited resolution, but it could be re-used. I suggested he get his photos watermarked by the graphic department. Then nobody would want to steal them, because they would be obvious thefts.
You have to know how to be a thief in order to defend against theft. It appears that you have to know how to recognize unproductive thoughts in order to choose the useful ones.
When I’m feeling courageous, it never occurs to me to hang onto that feeling. It feels natural. When in that state, I never question it. Then, again, I never questioned the other emotions either. But according to this book, there’s more to life even than courageousness. There’s consciously choosing to let that feeling go.
One of my exercises involves using my right hand to push my left arm up behind my back. It hurts. It feels impossible. The instructions say to hold it as best you can for 10 seconds. Let go. Then do it again for another 10 seconds. Repeat 10 times. Do this sequence 4 or 5 times a day. This pushing and letting go does lead to progress. By the 10th repetition, I can get my left arm up high enough along my back that I can let go with my right hand, reach over my right shoulder with my right hand and touch my fingertips from both hands together.
Yes, this used to be easy. I did it all the time in yoga class. Now it’s a major accomplishment. And it hurts. But the pain is just physical. This is something I can do. My emotions are not tied to my physical sensations. There goes that excuse. That seems to be the point of the course. Get rid of excuses. Stop thinking useless thoughts. Your true self is worth being.
In school we had to read a poem called “The Heavy Bear Who Goes With Me” by Delmore Schwartz. I think it was part of the anti-sex propaganda of the times, but it reads as a much larger condemnation of what it is to be human.
Here are a few lines:
That inescapable animal walks with me,
Has followed me since the black womb held,
Moves where I move, distorting my gesture,
A caricature, a swollen shadow,
A stupid clown of the spirit's motive,
Perplexes and affronts with his own darkness,
The secret life of belly and bone,
Opaque, too near, my private, yet unknown,
SM shrugs this bear aside. It’s work. It’s like pushing my arm up my back. When my fingers touch, it’s worth it.
Here's a link to the book:
The Sedona Method: Your Key to Lasting Happiness, Success, Peace and Emotional Well-Being