It systematizes most of the things that bother me. When there's a system. I can cope.
It asks: Did you feel ____ tried to control you? Did you try to control that person back? Can you let go of wanting to control them? Can you let that person be the way s/he is?
It goes through the same system with approval and security.
I love this. When I get mad at people it's usually because they are not acting as I wish they would. I can be a terrible wanna-be puppeteer sometimes. The problem is that nobody wants to be a puppet.
Of course they don't act as I wish they would. They are not me. They do not have my world perspective. And they are going to be who they are no matter what I wish. I can only state my wishes. They make the choices. And ultimately, I'm the one who has to admit that they are going to be the way they are. And what has happened has happened. No amount of getting angry is going to change the past or the future.
All I can change is how I respond. I may wish I could change more than that. I can try to change things. But getting angry is not a technique that has ever worked for me. Getting angry is like hitting myself because I don't like how the world is.
I'm not mad today. I'll need to wait until something upsets me to try this out. I like having this tool available. I have great hopes for it. The rest of this book has helped so far.
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