Saturday, May 8, 2010

Off to See the Surgeon

Monday, I’m going to see the surgeon who put the metal in my shoulder. I’m going to ask him to take it out. I want to wear a backpack again. And one of the screws is coming up.

I know many people who have broken collar bones mended with metal, keep the metal for the rest of their lives. I am not a cyborg. I refuse to live like a cyborg. There is always a risk of infection growing on the metal. That is not a risk I want to take. I’d rather take the risk of being hit again while biking. That’s a risk I take every day.

I also am not a doctor - fan. I do not like to go to doctors. I do not like needles. I do not like the idea of surgery. I’m not looking forward to another slice in my skin, and more time on painkillers. I’m not a hospital - fan. I definitely do not want to be in a hospital again.

But more than that, I do not want to keep this metal in my body – metal that is working its way out anyway. The rewards will not be immediate. Right now, if I push the strap to the side, I can wear a backpack with about 10 lbs in it. I will not be able to wear even that much for about a year after the surgery – depending on how quickly my bones grow to fill in the holes where the screws are.

But I want my life back. And my life means wearing a backpack with more than 10 lbs. I don’t check luggage. I carry every thing I need in a backpack. Yes, that includes light weight, collapsible exercise equipment like rubber band and inflatable balls.

I’m having trouble believing this is me. Going into a doctor’s office and asking to be cut open.
I don’t even know if this means I have to go to more rehab and learn more exercises. My shoulder is finally sloping like a normal shoulder again. I don’t know if it will puff up and look like a shelf, like it did after the initial surgery.

Yes, I know, the suitcase on wheels has been invented. But I want to wear a backpack, and travel easily. I want to stop cringing when somebody grabs my shoulder and accidentally grabs where that screw is coming up. And I do not want to be a cyborg.

I’ll know more after I talk to the doc on Monday.

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