Monday, I’m going to see the surgeon who put the metal in my shoulder. I’m going to ask him to take it out. I want to wear a backpack again. And one of the screws is coming up.
I know many people who have broken collar bones mended with metal, keep the metal for the rest of their lives. I am not a cyborg. I refuse to live like a cyborg. There is always a risk of infection growing on the metal. That is not a risk I want to take. I’d rather take the risk of being hit again while biking. That’s a risk I take every day.
I also am not a doctor - fan. I do not like to go to doctors. I do not like needles. I do not like the idea of surgery. I’m not looking forward to another slice in my skin, and more time on painkillers. I’m not a hospital - fan. I definitely do not want to be in a hospital again.
But more than that, I do not want to keep this metal in my body – metal that is working its way out anyway. The rewards will not be immediate. Right now, if I push the strap to the side, I can wear a backpack with about 10 lbs in it. I will not be able to wear even that much for about a year after the surgery – depending on how quickly my bones grow to fill in the holes where the screws are.
But I want my life back. And my life means wearing a backpack with more than 10 lbs. I don’t check luggage. I carry every thing I need in a backpack. Yes, that includes light weight, collapsible exercise equipment like rubber band and inflatable balls.
I’m having trouble believing this is me. Going into a doctor’s office and asking to be cut open.
I don’t even know if this means I have to go to more rehab and learn more exercises. My shoulder is finally sloping like a normal shoulder again. I don’t know if it will puff up and look like a shelf, like it did after the initial surgery.
Yes, I know, the suitcase on wheels has been invented. But I want to wear a backpack, and travel easily. I want to stop cringing when somebody grabs my shoulder and accidentally grabs where that screw is coming up. And I do not want to be a cyborg.
I’ll know more after I talk to the doc on Monday.