Friday, July 30, 2010

Recovery is a Never Ending Process

This recovery stuff is getting old. It’s now over a year since I got hit by a car while biking. I’m still limping around.

I’ve gone to physical therapy. I’ve had surgery, twice. I do daily exercises specifically for my injury recovery, as well as for fun.  Each person I see about recovery, adds to my exercise list and nobody ever takes anything away.  I’ve made my own choices to remove some exercises, or reduced the repetitions, or cut them down to a few times a week instead of daily. But the list continues to grow.

I must be wearing a sign: Give this Woman More Exercises to Do. In the past two weeks, my massage therapist has had me enroll in a Feldenkrais class, and given me an exercise that involves lying on the floor and pushing the side of my foot up against a pulled-out desk drawer.  My chiropractor has given me exercises with a foam roller.  And my new Feldenkrais teacher gives me exercises too.  Plus, I’ve become fascinated with flower sticks and I’ve added them to my exercise regime, but I consider it playtime, like jumping on my trampoline.

Then there’s the fact that my mom recently fell and cracked her wrist.  So, I’ve been doing research on senior balance.  More exercises to add to the list.  Stand on one foot with your eyes closed. Once you master that, try doing it on a towel.  Arm-leg opposite lifts from a hands-and-knees position, yoga tree pose – the list, like all the exercise liss, is endless.  And since I don’t want to fall and crack my wrist, I’ve added some of them to my list.  My mom exercises a lot, too.  I think that’s why she didn’t crack her hip when she fell.  She’s 87. 
Now that my dog is dead, I imagined I’d have more time. I was planning to put my eye exercises back into my daily routine. In the year since the accident, my eyesight has gotten weaker and I need reading glasses sometimes.  I may sneak the eye exercises back in anyway – and leave out what?  If I go to the closer gym, I don’t have to bike there, and that will save me more than an hour a day. But then I won’t be biking, which I enjoy.  I can skip exercise classes a couple of days a week.  That might do it.

But there’s the fact that I’m trying to start a new business, and that takes time. Plus I’ve got the clients from my old business who didn’t leave while I was in no shape to work on their computers.  They demand my time – and they pay me.  Just because I’m in rehab doesn’t mean that I can spend all my time spending money, and doing exercises and no time earning money.

I’m getting grouchy about this never ending process – or more precisely, the never ending pain.  The 2nd surgery got the metal out of my shoulder. I was able to wear a backpack on my recent trip to Kentucky.  I am getting better.  But I am impatient to get my life back.  And my friends are grouching at me for being impatient.  And that means I need to work on my thoughts.

I can see where being impatient is useless, like being angry.  I need to find a new way of looking at the world.  And maybe that is what this is all about.

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