Friday, August 20, 2010

Great Green Gobs of Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts

Great Green Gobs of Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts

Great green gobs of greasy grimey gopher guts,
Mutiliated monkey meat,
Chopped up birdie feet!
French fried eyeballs mixed in with baby mush,
I for-got my spoon!
So I'll use a straw...

(From (sung to the tune of Old Gray Mare) 

A song has been lost.  My husband had gas when he defecated the green slime that is typical of his diarrhea mixed with bile (which is a good thing – it means his small intestine is now sending material to his large intestine.)  I sang the green gopher guts song to celebrate and not my husband, not the nurses, nobody in that room had ever heard the song before. I had to look it up online to prove to them that I was not making things up. 

Having gas means my husband is one step closer to coming home. 

I had to laugh when he bragged about that to my mother on the phone. 
I pictured my grandmother on the phone and how she would ask him to talk to her like a lady.  Bubbles, please. Not gas.

My husband passed gas – a high point of the day.

He also had a nasty side effect from the drug they put in his IV line to regulate his heart rate. That drug made his arm swell and turn red. When I pointed this out, all the nurses did was move the line to the IV in his other arm.  I asked if it could be turned off.  No. The doctors ordered it for 24 hours.  When 24 hours came, I asked that it be turned off. No. The doctors have to order it removed.  Finally at about 26 hours it was removed. Both my husband’s arms are red, swollen and painful to the touch.

He was allowed out of his bed today for the first time since he went in Monday.  First he was allowed to walk 3 feet to sit in a chair.  Then he was allowed to walk down the hall with all his drips and his monitor. We had a parade. I pushed the drip pole. The nurse pushed the monitor pole, and my husband walked in the middle.  Technically, the hall is one block long.  It sure feels like 2 blocks and he walked both directions. He’s strong.

Several hospital staffers who saw him asked if he was short of breath.  Huh? Look at him, walking tall, breathing surely.  Or look at his monitor, which shows his heart rate and breath rate and oxygen saturation.  I guess they don’t believe their eyes because at the moment, he does look like an old man, all puffed up with his bloated belly and swollen arms. You can’t see his muscle tone.  Still, his strength is obvious.

Maybe tomorrow they’ll remove the nose tube.  If they do, he’ll get to eat.


  1. HAHAHA! Well do I remember my brother singing me that song. I did NOT UNDERSTAND the last line, "And me without my spoon..." He had to tell me in words of one syllable. I was so dense.
    Anyway, another similar song goes:
    "The BUGS crawl in,
    The BUGS crawl out,
    The BUGS play pinochle on your snout,
    They MAKE you turn, an ICKY green,
    And ME without my SPOON!"
    --The idea that this is what happens after you die. I know the tune but don't know what other song it comes from.

  2. Alison, I heard that song with worms instead of bugs. These things must be regional. My friend Jean heard them in Ohio. My husband grew up in Chicago and never heard them. He also never heard Three Billy Goats Gruff. We need these songs and stories that go across cultures.