Friday, February 17, 2012

My Husband is on the Pill

After my husband’s recent surgery, he came home with a catheter. When he went back to have it removed a week later, he couldn’t urinate on his own. The nice female nurse showed him how to catheterize himself and gave him a bag full of sterile packaged catheters to take home. I found myself thinking what an odd job it must be handling men’s penises to pull catheters out, and then teaching them to stick them in.

The doctor also gave my husband a prescription for Viagra. We’d tried Cialis years before when he had a different problem. I dislike the shape, texture and temperature of a Cialis erection. It is very definitely not my husband. I find it confusing to be kissing my husband, cuddling against his belly, and feeling something weird instead of his penis.

The Viagra didn’t work. And it gave him a headache. He called his physician. He got a prescription for 6 Levitra pills. Our insurance thinks a man only wants sex 6 times a month? My husband talked to the doctor. He got a prescription for pills that are 4 times the minimum dose. I bought him a pill cutter. Cut properly (don’t tell the insurance company), that’s 24 pills.

One you’ve got a pill that works, then you have to plan. He has to take it in advance so it has time to work. We have to hope we’ll both still be in the mood by the time it works. Figuring this out reminds me of talking about using diaphragms with my mother. But less gooey.

I spent about half an hour with the doctor trying learn how to put in a diaphragm and I couldn’t get it to stay put. I’m glad I live in a time when the pill and the IUD and tubal ligation have been invented.
But, back to the main topic. Even if I’m not in the mood by the time the pill works, I don’t want to waste it. Then there’s the head trip. My husband isn’t sure how long the pill will last, so he’s as nervous as he was when he was a teenager – yes, I’ve been with him this long. I miss the improvements that come with age.

The doctor assures us that this is just a temporary phase. He won’t need these pills forever.
Having to deal with these pills reminds me how lucky we are to still have each other, and enjoy each other. And it reminds me how much I resent having any kind of bureaucracy involved in my life. The insurance company really wants to dictate how often I can enjoy sex with my husband?

Passion is spontaneous by nature. Pills are counter-intuitive. Fortunately love is adaptable.

1 comment:

  1. "Fortunately, Love is adaptable." Amen sister!

    I suspect the insurance company thinks six pills are MORE than enough for most people. After all, it's more than once a week! The companies do work actuarialy, you know.

    (I wonder why they make them in different dosages anyway? A small dose makes a small erection? A big dose makes one that lasts for four hours? Well, keep on truckin', my friend.