Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Repeating Conversations in My Head

I have a bad habit of repeating conversations in my head.  Or, sometimes, I use past conversations as a model for future conversations and play them in my head.  Either way, I’m having conversations with someone who isn’t there – which I freely admit is insane.

I have sat or walked or tried to go to sleep while these crazy conversations play in my head.  I know exactly how they will go before they finish, but I continue to play the whole thing, hating every second of it.  I didn’t know how to turn it off.

Poking around on the web, I stumbled into this site:  http://abugfreemind.com/pdf/CABFM-10%20Free-Chapters.pdf

The author is a brit who talks about the “nutter” in my head.  That feels right – I know these conversations are crazy.  But it never occurred to me that the conversant was a subpersonality of sorts.  The next time one of these recordings started playing, I found my self thinking, “That’s just my nutter.”  It stopped!

It tried again in about half an hour.  And again, I thought, “That’s just my nutter.”  It stopped again.  It keep trying.  Different conversations – it must have stored up thousands.  Some are briefly interesting, but then I remember how they go.  That’s just my nutter. I don’t have to listen do this nonsense.

Freedom!

1 comment:

  1. Hah! I love the "nutter." I do that sometimes. Mostly I have earworms - I get songs stuck in my head for days on end. Some songs are really awful after a couple of days.

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