I have a bad habit of repeating conversations in my head. Or, sometimes, I use past conversations as a model for future conversations and play them in my head. Either way, I’m having conversations with someone who isn’t there – which I freely admit is insane.
I have sat or walked or tried to go to sleep while these crazy conversations play in my head. I know exactly how they will go before they finish, but I continue to play the whole thing, hating every second of it. I didn’t know how to turn it off.
Poking around on the web, I stumbled into this site: http://abugfreemind.com/pdf/CABFM-10%20Free-Chapters.pdf
The author is a brit who talks about the “nutter” in my head. That feels right – I know these conversations are crazy. But it never occurred to me that the conversant was a subpersonality of sorts. The next time one of these recordings started playing, I found my self thinking, “That’s just my nutter.” It stopped!
It tried again in about half an hour. And again, I thought, “That’s just my nutter.” It stopped again. It keep trying. Different conversations – it must have stored up thousands. Some are briefly interesting, but then I remember how they go. That’s just my nutter. I don’t have to listen do this nonsense.